Make the Right Call

 A message from Steve...

There are certain moments in youth sports that stay with you a while. These moments are memorable not just because of the score, or the outcome. They’re memorable because of what they can teach us all.

This past weekend, our 11-year-old daughter Bailey had a flag football game. She scored twice, or at least we thought she did. Both touchdowns were actually called back. As you can imagine, Bailey was upset, and my wife Jacky and I felt for her. She and her teammates played their hearts out so after the final whistle, there were some tears, frustration, and Bailey was wearing it because she felt like she had let her team down.

The referee who made both calls is someone I’ve known since he was a young boy. His name is Brian, and he’s a former collegiate football player, who’s now a wonderful, respectful, and heart-centered young man in his early 20’s. Brian is wise beyond his years and what stands out about him isn’t just his experience playing elite level football or his knowledge of the game. What stands out is his Faith, his calming presence, his temperament and, even when it’s not easy, his ability to... Make the Right Call.

Bailey’s team lost and after the game, it was very clear she was hurting. As her dad, I wanted to step in to fix it, soften it, and say something that would help. But as I walked towards her, something didn’t feel right. I realized it was not the right moment, not the right timing, and if I’m being honest, even though my intentions were good, I was not the right person to deliver the message.

As I stood there on the sidelines, I watched something special unfold. Brian walked across the field, subtly put his referee whistle away, and approached Bailey. He gently pulled her aside, literally got down to her level, and explained, calmly and clearly why the touchdowns were called back. He told her she had been unintentionally guarding her flag and that’s not allowed. She didn’t even realize she was doing it. He didn’t rush it, he didn’t lecture her, and he didn’t just say it and walk away. He taught her, encouraged her, showed her a few ways to avoid doing it again, and stayed with her and listened.

As a former big deal collegiate athlete, he’d been there and done that, and he knew what she was wearing. With that, he reminded Bailey she didn’t let her team down, that she was playing great, and this was something she could learn from and improve. In that moment, he wasn’t just the referee, he was the right person, at the right time, sharing the right message. Brian made the right call, not just during the game, but after the whistle blew.

And as I watched it all from a safe “dad distance”, I realized that moment wasn’t just for Bailey, it was for me, and hopefully for all of us. As leaders, teachers, coaches, presenters, and as parents, we’re constantly navigating when to step in and when to step back, when to speak, and when to stay quiet. And maybe most importantly, when we’re the right person to say something, and when there’s someone else there who has earned the right to deliver the message.

Making the right call isn’t always comfortable, it’s not always popular, and it’s definitely not always easy, especially when relationships are involved. Brian could have let those touchdowns stand. He knows me and he knows our family. He could have looked the other way. But then what? There’s no growth, no learning, and no awareness. Instead, he honored the game, while also honoring Bailey after the game.

And after the dust settled, after I talked with Bailey, after the game, these were my three takeaways that were helpful for me. I hope they help you along the way.

First... Honor the standard, the rules, the expectations, and the values, especially when it’s hard to uphold them.

Second... Be intentional with your feedback. It’s not just what you say, it’s when you say it, and how you say it.

Third... Know your role in the moment. Sometimes you step in, sometimes you step back, and sometimes, you trust that someone else may be the right voice.

Bailey didn’t get the touchdowns, but she got something much more valuable: clarity, encouragement, and growth, and so did her dad.

So, from this imperfectly out there, emerging and developing flag football father, I hope this is a reminder for all of us: even when it’s not easy, even when it impacts the score, even when there’s a relationship at stake, let’s all do our best, in all that we do, to...Make the Right Call.