In The Crowd

 A message from Steve...

There’s something exhilarating and challenging about watching our kids play sports. We have to deal with the metal benches, the folding chairs, the early kickoffs, and the late innings. And we get to provide the snacks, the sunscreen, and engage in the side conversations that somehow always circle back to the game and how our kids are doing.

And then, there’s that moment when your loved one, your family member, your child, steps onto the field, the court, the course. Just like that, everything gets a little louder and a little quieter all at the same time.

As leaders, teachers, mentors, and parents, we know this space well. We’re not just watching it, we’re feeling it, while hoping, remembering, and maybe even projecting our own past experience or performance just a little bit. And we’re doing all of this while we’re trying to be cool and collected... In the Crowd.

In the chair, that seat, those unforgiving bleachers, we can sometimes, without even realizing it, make it crowded. I had my own personal experience recently when I was humbly reminded of just how thin that line can be between crowded and crowd.

Recently, I was watching my 14-year-old daughter play in a softball game. Although I’m all about my daughter and her team doing well, I’m usually very intentional not to talk too much. I imperfectly do my best to lean back, respectfully encourage, and just observe.

In this instance, as my daughter got up to bat, I quickly and audibly said to her, “Step up in the box”. That was it. I said what I needed to say and realized anything else might cause more harm than good. After I shared my unsolicited coaching counsel to my daughter, and after she swung and missed at a pitch way outside the strike zone, I thought I heard her coach say to me from the 3rd base coaches box, “Leave her alone”. My wife thought she heard the same thing. We looked at each other in horror, and with that, I was that guy. I was that dad. I was crushed.

I wore the shame the rest of the game, until we found out after the game that the coach actually said, “Leave it alone”, meaning for my daughter Blake to lay off the bad pitches. Coach had no idea I had said anything. Needless to say, I may have avoided an error in that instance, but that feeling of overstepping my “dad in the crowd” boundaries will stay with me forever.

If you’ve been there, you know that feeling. It’s that split second where your intention is to help, but you might’ve stepped a little too far up in the box. As a developing dad in the crowd, I’m realizing there’s nothing passive about being in the crowd. We are all in. Our kids are out there learning, competing, struggling, and trying to figure it all out. And the irony is, we’re right there with them, just without the uniform.

And for me, that’s where it gets tricky. I want to help. I want to say something. I want to fix it, guide it, nudge it just a little bit in the right direction. But at the same time, our kids and their coaches need the space to do their thing. To swing, to miss, to adjust, to develop, to direct, and to grow.

So how do we do both?

How do we show up fully, without taking over?

And how do we stay in the crowd, without making it feel crowded?

I’m clearly still in development, but after that recent softball game where I thought I had a huge swing and a miss, these take aways below have been a healthy reminder to avoid making it crowded.

Be present, not pressing: Our presence matters more than our instructions. Most of the time, our kids don’t need another voice, they need our support.

Encourage, don’t coach: There’s a difference. Let the coaches coach. Let the game teach. Our job in the crowd is to keep the environment safe and supportive.

Feel it and stay grounded: We’re going to feel every hit, every error, every call. That’s part of it. Just don’t let our emotions become our kid’s burden.

This isn’t just their journey, it’s ours too. Along the way, as leaders, teachers, mentors, and parents, we’re all learning how to step back, stay patient, trust the process, and lead from the sidelines.

One day, the fields will clear, the games will end, and what our kids will remember most is how it felt when we were there. So, let’s keep showing up, bringing the support, the encouragement, and the love. And all the while, let’s make sure that even in the biggest moments, our kids still have the space to step up and play their game, while we’re right there with them, rooting for them, cheering them on, and loving them... In the Crowd.