At What Cost

Recently, I had the opportunity to facilitate a Game On Nation session with the Seattle Mariners Business Operations team. During one of our conversations prior to the training, a really important distinction came up between two words we often use interchangeably: Connection and Relationship.

Both matter, and both are worth pursuing, but I have learned through my own imperfect experience, especially as a public speaker/presenter, that they are not necessarily the same thing.

For leaders, coaches, teachers, and especially presenters, connection is incredibly important. When we walk into a room, we want people to feel valued, respected and engaged. We want to find common ground, create trust, share some laughter, and hopefully leave people feeling like the time we spent together was valuable, worth the investment, and mattered.

When the Game On team and I present, we care deeply about making that connection with our audience. And after doing this work for so many years, there is still something incredibly rewarding about looking around a room and realizing that people are leaning in, laughing together, participating, and connecting with our message and with each other.

But there is also a potential trap hiding inside all of that positive energy, dopamine, and serotonin, particularly for those of us who spend a lot of our lives in front of people.

Connection can happen quickly. Relationships usually take time.

A connection might happen during a 60-minute keynote, a half-day workshop, a conversation after an event, or even through something we post online. Someone may come up afterward and tell us how much the message meant to them, ask for a picture, offer a compliment, or share how something we said impacted their life. Those moments are meaningful, and I never want to diminish them, because authentic connection is one of the greatest gifts we offer at Game On.

At the same time, I have had to remind myself that the people applauding at the end of a presentation usually do not know the whole me. They know the version of me they experienced in that room, while the people closest to me know the version who comes home tired, distracted, impatient, discouraged, or carrying the weight of a long day. They know me when the microphone is off, the lights are down, and the applause has faded.

As presenters, that is where the difference between connection and relationship becomes so important.

There is a unique adrenaline rush that comes from walking into a room full of strangers and earning their attention, trust, laughter, and validation, and if we are not careful, we can begin chasing that feeling. We can give enormous energy to acquaintances and strangers while unintentionally giving whatever energy is left over to the people who have truly earned our time, our presence, our patience, and who deserve our best. I have certainly gotten this wrong before, which is probably why this lesson continues to resonate so deeply with me. For presenters, leaders, teachers, and coaches, the goal is not to stop making connections. Quite the opposite. We should continue learning how to connect authentically with the people we are fortunate enough to serve. But we also need the awareness, discipline, and discernment to recognize what those connections are, and what they are not. An audience can appreciate us without truly knowing us, while relationships are built through consistency, sacrifice, vulnerability, forgiveness, shared experiences, and simply showing up again and again, on the daily.

As I reflect on this duality, below are three simple reminders that have helped me, and I hope will help you, navigate this connection vs. relationship dynamic...

Honor the connection. When someone gives you their attention, trust, or appreciation, receive it with gratitude and never take it for granted.

Invest in the relationship. Make sure the people you are doing life with when microphone is turned off are receiving just as much - if not more - care, curiosity, patience, and encouragement as the people you serve when the lights are on.

Protect the priority. Applause feels good, connection matters, and impact is meaningful, but none of those should come at the expense of the people who deserve the best of us, who have to deal with us, and who matter most to us.

Connections On.

Relationships On.

Priorities On.

Game On.