The Quiet Connector: An Overlooked Strategy for Introverts Building Their Network

A message from Caroline...

The local chamber of commerce event on my calendar was staring back at me. 

Friday, 12:00 PM - 1:00 PM PDT

I had put it on my calendar a month ago. 

Over the last few weeks, I had created a solid track record for myself by following through and attending all the networking and membership events I had put on my calendar, no matter my energy level or other opportunities that might feel better that day. 

For many people, semi-casual events to meet others and learn about industries feel like business as usual. For me, though, I naturally prefer focused conversations in smaller circles. My StrengthsFinder result as a “Relator” reflects this—my strength lies in deepening relationships rather than constantly creating new ones. That’s why I challenged myself to attend every event. It became a personal growth exercise, and I felt proud of the progress I was making.

This Friday, my calendar reminded me of another event, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to go. It came at the tail end of several weeks of consistent event attendance, and the late-summer sunshine made taking a break for the afternoon quite tempting. I had already been up early, put in a productive day’s work, and felt accomplished. Did I really need to push myself to one more event? 

“Show up to whatever is on your calendar.”

The brief statement by my coach confirmed what I had set for myself and replayed in my head. I got my purse, gathered my cards, rehearsed how I would share what I do for work in my head, and got in the car to head to the chamber of commerce event. 

I parked and walked upstairs to the event, arriving one minute late, which is “California on-time.” Once again, I was proud of my new habits. Having returned to California after years in DC, I was usually arriving 10 minutes early, which in California time is, “are you crazy?”

The room was fairly full of people sitting in their seats, the venue set up for the opening presentation in which we would be welcomed and told about the basics of the chamber activities. Things were just about to kick off. I spotted a folding chair in the second row that would be a great spot for me to sit. I could place my purse on the open seat next to it and quietly land right before the presenter’s introduction began.

I walked in, placed my purse down, and the speaker took the mic. 

I went to sit back into the chair to relax, listen, and prep myself for the follow-on networking activities. I made contact with the seat, was prepared to lean back, and just as I made eye contact with the speaker, the entire chair broke underneath me.

I was lucky, I wasn’t experiencing a straight down fall to the ground, it was more of a smooth roll back, still fully onto the ground. 

Every vertebra hit the carpet in succession, just as they teach you in yoga class to ease back “one vertebrae at a time.” Unlike yoga, however, in the shock of falling, my legs and feet involuntarily flew up into the air in front of me to balance the unexpected backwards roll.

Within a second of the fall, the speaker stopped and others came over to make sure I was ok. I did a quick check of myself and determined nothing was hurting, nothing hit the ground too hard. 

They all helped me up and into one of the sturdier, non-folding chairs, a few others checked in with me again, and then determining I was mostly embarrassed, they restarted the presentation, drawing the eyes off me.

I sat there, composed myself, using the time during the presentation to collect myself instead of practicing my opening. I was quietly cracking up, giddy with laughter because the whole scene felt like a scene from a sitcom and I figured it must have looked the same. 

The presentation ended and it was time for us to all circle up and share about our work. I walked over to the side of the room where I would be sharing towards the end of the circle. I listened and finalized what I had to say when it came to be my turn. Before I knew it, all eyes were on me again, this time, not for falling:

“I’m in the Learning & Development field. I don’t usually do physical comedy…”

I began, then had to stop because the room was laughing.

“But I do teach standup comedy and facilitate improv courses for leadership and team development…along with providing leadership and management coaching…”

Before I could pass the floor along to the next person, a man across the room pointed to his neighbor and commented,

“You’re in luck with the chamber membership because he is a personal injury lawyer and ready to be of service!”

More laughter before the next person shared their introduction. Soon, the circle was complete and we were on to the open networking part of the event.

Open networking was something I’ve gotten better at thanks to attending academic conferences the past few years in which many professors and researchers were way less adept than me at large group socializing. My confidence grew in seeing my comparatively social butterfly ways. At these business events though, I still preferred to say hello and inquire with two people and then call it a day.

Before I could look up and around the room to craft my move into “open networking,” another member came up to me and said, “What a fall, I’m glad you are ok.” He then proceeded to tell me about a time he fell, which was onto a cactus, creating a scene and requiring ad hoc medical care, using Elmers glue to remove the spines. We chatted and then another person came up to me to share a time someone else had fallen and it had been more disastrous than mine. Then, we talked business. A few other people came up to chat, then I was ready to call it a day.

On my way out, a woman who works in HR, an industry adjacent from my work, said she might have some referrals for me and shared how an office chair had broken under a colleague at one point.

Walking out of the event, I was grateful to be unhurt and oddly energized. The experience reminded me of what I had learned over the years from teaching and performing standup comedy:

Nerves are Excitement: Before I step onto the stage for a comedy performance, I feel a rush of energy move through my body. I used to label the feeling as anxiety or nervousness, but now I recognize it as excitement for the coming challenge. When the chair collapsed beneath me, my nervous system lit up the same way, shifting me from a somewhat reluctant attendee to someone suddenly energized by an unexpected challenge.

Embrace, Process, Adapt: The chair experience reminded me that when we embrace what is happening in the moment and take time to process and adapt, an unexpected situation can become an opportunity. When a challenge presents itself, it is often helpful to ask, what is this experience bringing up in me and how can I work with it? In the case of the chair, I very quickly embraced the fall, worked with the absurdity, and adapted my pitch.

A Supportive Audience Is the Best: A community of people who have each other’s back makes taking on challenges more fulfilling. In a comedy room, there’s nothing more fun than an audience support each comic’s antics, just like there’s nothing better than a community ready to support you through challenges and opportunities.

Networking can feel intimidating when you think you need the perfect introduction or story. But sometimes vulnerability does the heavy lifting for you by it reminding people you’re human. I remain in disbelief that one faulty chair became the best conversation starter of the day. I not only met many people, but many people now know me…as the girl who fell at that one meeting and somehow made it work for her business pitch.

And my new networking strategy for introverts? Don’t overthink it, just find a faulty chair and let the conversations start on their own.