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How do you see yourself? It seems like a simple enough question, right? In fact, it’s a question to which almost all of us have an answer. But the real truth is this, “How do you see yourself?” is one of the most difficult questions for anyone of us to answer…accurately. Perception vs. Reality
When I was younger, I saw myself as an excellent athlete. I had visions of becoming the next great 2nd baseman for the Los Angeles Dodgers. Eddie Collins, Jackie Robinson, Nap LaJoie…I mean, I was there. However, my truth was that I was a good athlete.
The way I perceived myself and the reality of how others viewed me didn’t quite meet up and as a result my dream of stepping out onto the field at Dodger stadium never came to fruition. When I began my acting career, I saw myself as a combination of a “leading man” and a “character actor”. This is not a common mix, but I felt I was not a common actor. After an audition, I would leave thinking my energy was perfect and that the casting directors were seeing the “leading man/character actor” I saw. However, the truth was the way I saw and felt about myself was not how the casting directors saw or felt about me. After I got cast as an elf...twice, I called my agent and asked, “What is going on? This isn’t me.” She replied, “You are entering the audition with so much energy, maybe too much energy, and what you think is calm and collected the casting directors are seeing as over the top and ‘elfy’.” My perception of myself did not match the reality of how others perceived me. So, how do we bring the way we perceive ourselves in line with how others see us? In other words, how do we become more self-aware and as a result, avoid being cast as an elf twice? The Metaphor Game
A few years ago, I was with a group of 10 athletes and I asked one young athlete to take part in the metaphor game to help explore how he saw himself. Now, this athlete was able to explain and breakdown his basketball game without hesitation but when I asked him to describe how he saw himself off the court, it was a much more difficult question for him to answer. In an effort to make the exercise easier, I introduced a game to the group called, “If Music, If Car”. Each of the 10 students had to describe themselves and their personalities by using cars, music and TV shows as a metaphor. For instance, do you see yourself as a Jeep Wrangler? If so, why? What color is your car? Is your car old or new? Is it clean or dirty? Is it reliable? Is it flashy or reserved? Once each athlete had determined what type of car, music and TV show they were, they then had to ask their friends if they agreed or disagreed with them. In other words, did the way each athlete perceived themselves correlate with how their friends and fellow students saw them? It’s amazing how easy it is to come up with metaphors to describe ourselves and how much more difficult it can be to simply answer the question, “How do you see yourself?” How You Do You See Yourself?
Each of us may see ourselves one way yet be perceived by others in a completely different light. You may be influenced by your current state of mind, your environment and your self-confidence within that environment. When you’re around your close friends and family, your personality may be a bit more relaxed and when you’re around strangers or competitors, you may be a bit more withdrawn. There are so many variables that make up the “how do you see yourself” equation. But once you have a better sense of self through the use of metaphors and feedback from friends and family, you can then start to work on those traits, which you need to improve. If you are constantly complimented on your energy and sense of humor, chances are you don’t need to walk into a room and remind yourself to be energetic and funny. It’s natural and if you add on to your already existing gift, you may be pouring “sugar on top of sugar”. I encourage my clients to work on those qualities that need improvement. If you are a great talker, work on listening. If you observe all the time and can read people very well, focus on speaking up more and getting more engaged in the conversation. And my favorite, if you constantly tell jokes but no one ever laughs, you may need to work on your sense of humor or you simply may not be that funny. But that’s okay. Self-awareness is a life long journey. So, embrace your strengths, improve upon your weaknesses and know the difference between the two. By becoming more aware of who you are and what you’re all about, you will soon be able to deliver with accuracy and ease the answer to how you see yourself.
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